He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
