Welp...herpes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
