can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
