Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
