hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
