So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
