Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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