Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
