my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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