You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
