Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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