Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
