Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
