You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize