A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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