I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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