i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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