sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize