I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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