i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
