Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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