I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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