i just had sex bonerless
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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