jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
