apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
