I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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