I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
