oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
