Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
