They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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