I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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