the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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