Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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