just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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