if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
