capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
