i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
