is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
