??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
