they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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