We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
