he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
