Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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