your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
