OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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