guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The best revenge is premature balding
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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