I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize