Im at strip club and am horny
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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