got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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