I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize