Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
