i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A bitchslap is in order.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
