I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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