last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
