Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
