If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
