Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
