Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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