Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
