Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
