Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
