have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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