I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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