Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
