A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
