Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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