my phone needs a breathalizer
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
