worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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