Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
