This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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