I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
soo... how was my night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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