Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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