Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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