North Korea, Best Korea!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
