just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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