I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
