maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
