I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
