Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
