forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is Oprah even human
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
