he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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