Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
