I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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